My husband has told me many times that the male libido can be very sensitive. There have been times before where I have simply said, "Not there," and he has lost his erection. I have always understood that, but I've never actually grasped it.
Tonight I was watching "Sexual Healing" and as I watched the women in the relationships complain about sex (inside and outside the bedroom) I became disgusted and finally grasped what my husband means. Watching the women ruin a perfectly nice situation by nit-picking at their partners drove me crazy! I guess seeing it from an outside perspective really puts it into perspective for me that complaining or picking at little things during foreplay or sex can really diminish a man's desire.
My goal is to abstain from complaints during sex for the next 2 weeks. I want to make it a permanent thing, but I'm making a goal of 2 weeks and we'll see how I do. Can I break the curse that I'm finding most females have?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Un-Lustrous Sex
What do you do when sex loses its luster?
I can remember a not-so-far-off time when sex was always exciting. We tried new positions every other night, we did kinky things and sex was NEVER a thing we had to do; it was always something we needed--CRAVED.
I'm not saying that our sex life is absolutely boring or predictable, it's just lost its luster. Do you know what I mean? Sex seems to be a habit rather than something fun and adventurous. We do a little foreplay, we do the deed and we shower. I just tried to give my husband a sexy massage the other night, and it ended with him getting up and playing video games. That was not exactly where I thought the massage would lead. Then, just last night, we had an argument (as we were getting into sex) about what position to do because he refuses to do anything but girl on top lately. I beg him to do anything else--anything--but he claimed that that position is easiest for him to get off quickly. What?! I was so taken aback when he said this. We used to have sex for over an hour (not including foreplay), which may sound like a long time but it was AWESOME. Now we can barely pull off 45 minutes with foreplay and he's worried about getting off quicker. What's happening to us? We're not supposed to act like this until we've been together for years and years, right? We've only been together for two; this should all still be new and exciting!
I've always been so satisfied with my sex life, but for the last month I'm just sad with it all. I'm not even disappointed; I'm depressed that we are slowly letting our sex life turn into a routine thing, rather than the exciting and passionate thing it's supposed to/use to be. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this, but I know something has to be done. I cannot sit back and watch sex become an unimportant thing in my marriage. I love sex in all its glory and I'm not willing to settle for anything other than the best!
I can remember a not-so-far-off time when sex was always exciting. We tried new positions every other night, we did kinky things and sex was NEVER a thing we had to do; it was always something we needed--CRAVED.
I'm not saying that our sex life is absolutely boring or predictable, it's just lost its luster. Do you know what I mean? Sex seems to be a habit rather than something fun and adventurous. We do a little foreplay, we do the deed and we shower. I just tried to give my husband a sexy massage the other night, and it ended with him getting up and playing video games. That was not exactly where I thought the massage would lead. Then, just last night, we had an argument (as we were getting into sex) about what position to do because he refuses to do anything but girl on top lately. I beg him to do anything else--anything--but he claimed that that position is easiest for him to get off quickly. What?! I was so taken aback when he said this. We used to have sex for over an hour (not including foreplay), which may sound like a long time but it was AWESOME. Now we can barely pull off 45 minutes with foreplay and he's worried about getting off quicker. What's happening to us? We're not supposed to act like this until we've been together for years and years, right? We've only been together for two; this should all still be new and exciting!
I've always been so satisfied with my sex life, but for the last month I'm just sad with it all. I'm not even disappointed; I'm depressed that we are slowly letting our sex life turn into a routine thing, rather than the exciting and passionate thing it's supposed to/use to be. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this, but I know something has to be done. I cannot sit back and watch sex become an unimportant thing in my marriage. I love sex in all its glory and I'm not willing to settle for anything other than the best!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Independent Sex
Today I enjoyed pleasuring myself for the first time.
I was always taught that masturbation is terrible and that I should just let my man do the pleasuring, and up until now I have believed and lived by that. However, I decided to take a bath when I got home from work today and as I felt the warmth of the water all over me, I also felt my hand slipping down my stomach. As much reservation as I had, I allowed myself to touch and experiment. Before long (well, actually it was after about 5-10 minutes. I had to make up for lost time--finding the right places and touching them the right way), I had given myself an orgasm. It wasn't the best thing in the world. I know a lot of girls say that the best orgasm is the one you give to yourself, but as of now I have to disagree with that. It was interesting and fun to learn about my sexual area and give myself an orgasm, but until I further test the waters, I much prefer the touch of my hubby. I'm not bashing it though; it felt good and slightly empowering.
There's another sexual adventure checked off my list. I only have hundreds of other things to try still, but that's what makes sex so exciting (besides for the pleasure and amazing connection it induces)--there never seems to be an end to what we can try. On to the next people!
I was always taught that masturbation is terrible and that I should just let my man do the pleasuring, and up until now I have believed and lived by that. However, I decided to take a bath when I got home from work today and as I felt the warmth of the water all over me, I also felt my hand slipping down my stomach. As much reservation as I had, I allowed myself to touch and experiment. Before long (well, actually it was after about 5-10 minutes. I had to make up for lost time--finding the right places and touching them the right way), I had given myself an orgasm. It wasn't the best thing in the world. I know a lot of girls say that the best orgasm is the one you give to yourself, but as of now I have to disagree with that. It was interesting and fun to learn about my sexual area and give myself an orgasm, but until I further test the waters, I much prefer the touch of my hubby. I'm not bashing it though; it felt good and slightly empowering.
There's another sexual adventure checked off my list. I only have hundreds of other things to try still, but that's what makes sex so exciting (besides for the pleasure and amazing connection it induces)--there never seems to be an end to what we can try. On to the next people!
Monday, January 24, 2011
The results are in (Overdoing Sex)...
Guess what? It worked.
I tried as hard as I could to resist the urge to seduce my husband for about a week so he wouldn't be so annoyed with my sexual advances. It worked in my favor because my husband missed the advances and asked me about it (clever wife). When I explained why I took a step back, he was so surprised and confessed that he loved the fact that I was putting on the moves! I'm proud to say that my tricky little plan to make my husband appreciate my horniness worked :)
Sometimes you just have to experiment and find the right balance with things. Similarly, I had to balance putting on the moves and letting my husband take the reins. I'm happy to say that I believe I've found that balance, for now. Who knows what the balance will look like in a few months!
I tried as hard as I could to resist the urge to seduce my husband for about a week so he wouldn't be so annoyed with my sexual advances. It worked in my favor because my husband missed the advances and asked me about it (clever wife). When I explained why I took a step back, he was so surprised and confessed that he loved the fact that I was putting on the moves! I'm proud to say that my tricky little plan to make my husband appreciate my horniness worked :)
Sometimes you just have to experiment and find the right balance with things. Similarly, I had to balance putting on the moves and letting my husband take the reins. I'm happy to say that I believe I've found that balance, for now. Who knows what the balance will look like in a few months!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Overdoing Sex
The last week or so I have been incredibly horny. I have been the one to approach sex every day--which is usually very unlike me--and not just once a day, but multiple times a day. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I just want my husband all the time.
Now as far as I know, guys find it pretty hot when the girl is the one to initiate sex and be in charge, but the feeling I'm getting is that my husband is annoyed by it. I thought women were the ones who got annoyed by too much sex, but do guys get that way too?
The last thing I want is to annoy my husband, so I'm going to try to control my libido a little bit (although I feel crazy saying this, because there are times when I wish my libido would go up) and back off for about a week. This will be tough, because every time I even think about my husband I want to hop into bed right at that moment, but I'm going to go through with this little challenge. Maybe after a week of me not pushing it, my husband will be annoying me with his requests for sex ;)
Now as far as I know, guys find it pretty hot when the girl is the one to initiate sex and be in charge, but the feeling I'm getting is that my husband is annoyed by it. I thought women were the ones who got annoyed by too much sex, but do guys get that way too?
The last thing I want is to annoy my husband, so I'm going to try to control my libido a little bit (although I feel crazy saying this, because there are times when I wish my libido would go up) and back off for about a week. This will be tough, because every time I even think about my husband I want to hop into bed right at that moment, but I'm going to go through with this little challenge. Maybe after a week of me not pushing it, my husband will be annoying me with his requests for sex ;)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Sex Toys
Are sex toys an essential to a happy sex life?
My husband recently brought up the idea of looking at sex toys together. My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at him. I couldn't believe he wanted to look for sex toys to enhance our sex life when I thought we were both pretty satisfied. He explained to me that it was mostly stuff he wanted me to try, which had me puzzled. I am so unbelievably satisfied with my husband alone (since we've begun having sex, he has only NOT given me an orgasm 3 times. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself) that I couldn't imagine needing something else to enhance our sex. So, after I stroked his ego a little bit (ladies, it is very important to put aside your pride every once and a while and boost your man's confidence. They LOVE it) he sort of forgot actually buying something and we just looked through the products and laughed at most of them.
Clearly, sex toys are not for me, but that's not to say that other people don't like (or need) sex toys in their sex life. I know they can come in handy when you're single, but how important are they to an actual relationship? I feel very sorry for women who can only get a great orgasm--or even just a mediocre one--from vibrators alone. It's not their fault by any means, but I do feel sorry that a guy's never been able to do that for them. I know that I am very fortunate to have a guy who can get me off just as often as he gets off (and he says his orgasms are even better when I get off too--great guy, right?) and I feel every girl should get to experience a great orgasm from a man's penis. But, we don't live in a perfect world so I know sex toys are necessary for some women. If I was a man, I would want to know that my penis had the same power to give an orgasm as a vibrator or some other toy. It would make me feel lesser to know that my partner depends on a toy to get pleasure. Do actual men think that way, though?
I can understand adding a sex toy to your sex life to spice it up now and then, but it would severely bother me to solely depend on a toy to do what a man should be doing. I'm not demeaning the use of sex toys; I'm just feeling very fortunate today for the husband/sex I have. I'm one lucky girl it seems.
My husband recently brought up the idea of looking at sex toys together. My jaw dropped to the floor and I just stared at him. I couldn't believe he wanted to look for sex toys to enhance our sex life when I thought we were both pretty satisfied. He explained to me that it was mostly stuff he wanted me to try, which had me puzzled. I am so unbelievably satisfied with my husband alone (since we've begun having sex, he has only NOT given me an orgasm 3 times. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself) that I couldn't imagine needing something else to enhance our sex. So, after I stroked his ego a little bit (ladies, it is very important to put aside your pride every once and a while and boost your man's confidence. They LOVE it) he sort of forgot actually buying something and we just looked through the products and laughed at most of them.
Clearly, sex toys are not for me, but that's not to say that other people don't like (or need) sex toys in their sex life. I know they can come in handy when you're single, but how important are they to an actual relationship? I feel very sorry for women who can only get a great orgasm--or even just a mediocre one--from vibrators alone. It's not their fault by any means, but I do feel sorry that a guy's never been able to do that for them. I know that I am very fortunate to have a guy who can get me off just as often as he gets off (and he says his orgasms are even better when I get off too--great guy, right?) and I feel every girl should get to experience a great orgasm from a man's penis. But, we don't live in a perfect world so I know sex toys are necessary for some women. If I was a man, I would want to know that my penis had the same power to give an orgasm as a vibrator or some other toy. It would make me feel lesser to know that my partner depends on a toy to get pleasure. Do actual men think that way, though?
I can understand adding a sex toy to your sex life to spice it up now and then, but it would severely bother me to solely depend on a toy to do what a man should be doing. I'm not demeaning the use of sex toys; I'm just feeling very fortunate today for the husband/sex I have. I'm one lucky girl it seems.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Anal Sex or No Anal Sex?
As most people know, anal sex is a very taboo topic in American control. However, I can guess that almost all of us know at least one person who has had anal sex or who regularly engages in it. It's slowly making it's way into mainstream culture. I'm sure it will remain the butt of jokes (ha!) for a long time and people won't be extremely open about the subject at first, but I'm willing to bet that every man has fantasized about it and even most women have at least thought about it. So, let's just throw the idea out there: anal or no anal?
Almost every American man has fantasized about anal sex. Part of it is that it's a cultural taboo, which makes it very tempting, and another reason men want to try it so badly is that most women are so against the idea (again, making it very tempting). The least acknowledged reason why men like/crave anal sex is that the sex is so good. The tightness of the anus feels so incredible on a man's penis and it's unlike anything a vagina can do. It's nothing against us, girls. The fact is that our anus will always give a man a better sexual experience (for them, the tighter, the better).
As for women, it's a different story most of the time. Women have the presumption that anal sex always hurts. The reality is that anal sex, when done right, shouldn't hurt. With the use of lube, trusting in your partner and (slow) practice, anal sex should only be a pleasurable act. Unfortunately, many women have tried it and had terrible experiences because of not using enough lube, their partners weren't careful and loving, they didn't go into it slowly enough, etc. Because of these bad experiences, women give anal sex a bad rap. Another reason women are a lot more cautious about it is that in order to try it, women have to give a lot of trust to their partner. They have to be able to believe that their partner won't hurt them and that good communication will occur before, during and after the act. Oftentimes, men will become so enamored by the fantasy of anal sex that they forget that this can be a very scary experience for women. This is a challenge that can be overcome, but both parties must always consent.
Anal sex is something that can easily be explored within a loving and caring relationship, but it is definitely not for everyone. Exploring anal sex should start with much consideration and communication between partners. It shouldn't be rushed and proper preparations should be taken. Once you've found a person who you feel you can truly trust with such a delicate part of you and you have thought very hard about it, maybe then you could try anal sex. Who knows, maybe you'll love it! Then again, you may hate it. The only thing that's for sure is that it's your sex life, so do exactly what you want.
Almost every American man has fantasized about anal sex. Part of it is that it's a cultural taboo, which makes it very tempting, and another reason men want to try it so badly is that most women are so against the idea (again, making it very tempting). The least acknowledged reason why men like/crave anal sex is that the sex is so good. The tightness of the anus feels so incredible on a man's penis and it's unlike anything a vagina can do. It's nothing against us, girls. The fact is that our anus will always give a man a better sexual experience (for them, the tighter, the better).
As for women, it's a different story most of the time. Women have the presumption that anal sex always hurts. The reality is that anal sex, when done right, shouldn't hurt. With the use of lube, trusting in your partner and (slow) practice, anal sex should only be a pleasurable act. Unfortunately, many women have tried it and had terrible experiences because of not using enough lube, their partners weren't careful and loving, they didn't go into it slowly enough, etc. Because of these bad experiences, women give anal sex a bad rap. Another reason women are a lot more cautious about it is that in order to try it, women have to give a lot of trust to their partner. They have to be able to believe that their partner won't hurt them and that good communication will occur before, during and after the act. Oftentimes, men will become so enamored by the fantasy of anal sex that they forget that this can be a very scary experience for women. This is a challenge that can be overcome, but both parties must always consent.
Anal sex is something that can easily be explored within a loving and caring relationship, but it is definitely not for everyone. Exploring anal sex should start with much consideration and communication between partners. It shouldn't be rushed and proper preparations should be taken. Once you've found a person who you feel you can truly trust with such a delicate part of you and you have thought very hard about it, maybe then you could try anal sex. Who knows, maybe you'll love it! Then again, you may hate it. The only thing that's for sure is that it's your sex life, so do exactly what you want.
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